i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
