her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
