i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize