I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
