i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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