we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
