This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
