she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
