I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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