i permit you to call me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
