I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
