She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
