i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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