he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
