Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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