it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
