If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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