so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
