I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
