I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
