sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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