Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
