I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
