she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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