you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
