What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
