i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
