My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize