The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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