my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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