You smell like stripper and shame
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
