No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
