Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
