her vagine was all disorganized.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
