The maid of honor just puked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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