Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
