my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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