How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize