I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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