Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
