Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
