i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
