I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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