I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize