im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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