He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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