college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
