she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
