Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
