My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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