By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
