how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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