ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize