then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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