Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
