:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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