u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize