is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize