Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
