At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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