You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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