Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i think im in europe. pls send help
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
