Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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