We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
