How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize