i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
