You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
