Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
