if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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