But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
