i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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