I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
