12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
