well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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