Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
